I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
