like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
