brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
