It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dignity is for republicans.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
