Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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