Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
a search helicopter?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
