yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
