I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
