Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
