her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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