I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
