I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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