I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
