So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
