wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
