So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
