He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
40s are totally the cure
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
