Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
