her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
