everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
