Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
