chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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