I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
