it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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