Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
