So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
