Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
