I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
