wrigley field is MILF paradise
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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