I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
