After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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