I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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