So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
