I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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