I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
