This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
