Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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