I bet he comes in French.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
