I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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