So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
