like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my shit smells like andre
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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