im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
