Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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