I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
