farters have to be the big spoon...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
