Where did you get a picture of my penis
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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