Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
