His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
