I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
