Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
