Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
